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Gaining Emotional Sobriety/Sanity

These are things that have helped me to stay focused and on track.

The next time fear, guilt, shame comes up its good to remember that I have a support system behind me in my recovery from Co-Dependency.  That the support system consists of my sponsor and all my friends in Al-Anon who struggle or have struggled the same way I do.

I am a Co-dependent this is my disease.  Co-Dependency means: I am a controller, a rescuer, a people pleaser, an enabler, and a fixer... I am equally if not more sick than my alcoholic and/or addict.  My recovery is in Al-Anon. 

My job is to reach out to my friends in Al-Anon. I was given a phone list of all the members who are willing to listen to me; so I will use this phone list and call someone.  Yes it takes courage to pick up that heavy phone and ask for help, but it does work.

Getting a sponsor was huge for me.  I waited a long time and the program didn’t work for me.  When I finally did and started the Steps, the Traditions, and the Concepts, everything came together.  I meet with my sponsor almost weekly for an hour and a half.  She knows my whole story; she never ever said an unkind word to me.  She doesn’t judge me, criticize me, or scold me for not doing my homework. I work at my own pace.

The trick is to focus on my-self and only my-self.  I try not to focus on the other person’s actions, her behaviors and her thinking– I can’t change her no matter what.  The only person I can change is my-self.  I have to remember that I am not God and I am powerless over other people,  I stop my-self from going into that dark place where I let my fears, worries, obsessions, predictions, and pain take over.  When things come up, I immediately say the serenity prayer:

    God grant me the serenity to accept the person I cannot change;
    The courage to change the person I can change; (me)
    The wisdom to know to keep the focus on me.

I become more grateful.  Gratitude and Acceptance work every time.

Eventually I was able to turn Fear into Faith/Courage/Trust (believe in my HP and ask for guidance).  Turn Anger into Love/Gratitude (be more grateful for all the things I have and am).  Turn Resentments into Acceptance/Forgiveness (accept the person and be forgiving). 

Another way to take care of my-self is – to take my-self to an Al-Anon meeting immediately if I can; or on a walk in nature.  I focus on all the beauty in nature.  Listen to the birds, admire the fall colors etc. 

I can also distract my-self with the suggested First Step Readings in One Day at a Time, Courage to Change, or in Hope for Today. 

I say the Serenity Prayer over and over. 

This meditation always helps me.
I breath deeply, take a few deep “Al-Anon” breaths; relax my body from the feet up, close my eyes and feel every part of my body relax (my toes, feet,  ankles, calves, shin, knees,  thighs, pelvic, hips, waist, chest, back, shoulder blades,  shoulders, upper-arms, elbows,  fore arms, hands, fingers,  neck, the back of my head, forehead,  temples,  brows,  eyes,  cheeks, nose, ears, chin, mouth, tongue, teeth)  and start reciting the first step.
Step One:  We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives have become unmanageable. I am powerless over other people, their thoughts, and their actions. I am powerless over other places and things.  I cannot control anybody, any places or anything.  I can only control myself.  I look inside my-self, and now admit that I am indeed powerless over my heart beat; I cannot control my blood from running through my veins, I cannot control my breathing (I can stop it for a minute or so) but I will keep on breathing.  I cannot control my kidneys from functioning, nor any other organs in my body.  I cannot control my nails from growing, I cannot control my hair from growing, I cannot control growing older, and I am truly powerless and cannot change anybody or anybody’s thinking or their actions.  I try to be aware, of all these facts, once the awareness sets in then I try to accept in my heart the fact that I am indeed powerless over other people, places and things.  Now I surrender and ask for God’s help in this simple meditation.  With my eyes closed I turn my head toward the light and let God shine his light into my heart and soul, let him in and let him guide me through those thoughts until I finally grasp it and I will start feeling better.  This step gives me Hope and teaches me to Let Go and Let God.

Step Two:  Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.   Have faith in my Higher Power and trust that He and only He will restore me to sanity.  I am aware of my belief, faith, and I trust my Higher Power, I let everything else go.  I accept this truth and trust my Higher Power unconditionally.  This step is all about Faith and Trust and it will prepare me to take step three.  My action in this step is to have faith.

Step Three:  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.  To trust my-self and trust my Higher Power to make this decision, offer my will and my life over to God and humbly ask Him to take my offer.  Just for today: “God I offer you my will, my life, my body and my soul.  Please hold me and guide me through this day.  Let it be Thy will, not mine.  I will do my part and when I slip, or fall please pick me up and lead me onto the right track of my journey.” “God I offer you my children and grand-children. Please hold them and guide them in their journey of their lives.  It is in your hands now and I trust you implicitly.  I will step aside and I am deeply grateful for this experience.” LIVE AND LET LIVE!  I live my life, and I let them live theirs.  TOGETHER GOD WE CAN MAKE IT.

When other thoughts come flooding into my brain, I bring my-self right back to the first step and say to my-self:  I am powerless over other people, places and things.  I cannot control my body from functioning, I cannot control my heart from beating, and I cannot control my blood from running through my veins.  I cannot control the universe,  the sunrise, the sunset, the rain, the wind, the elements,  the galaxy, the moon the stars, I cannot control the river’s flow, the oceans, the waves, the tide, I cannot control the next moment.  I’ll stay in the moment, one moment, one minute, one hour, and one day at a time.  I am powerless over the grass from growing, the flowers from blooming, the trees from growing, the leaves from falling and the list goes on and on. The only person I can control is me. I keep the focus on me.  I try to repeat this meditation over and over.  When other thoughts fill me up I go back to the beginning. .

I pick up my slogan sheets and start with LETTING GO AND LET GOD;  LIVE AND LET LIVE, LET IT BEGIN WITH ME AND ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Do not dwell on the past, stay in TODAY and don’t future trip. 

Personally I have a slogan box and I practice a new slogan every week.  I also have a box with positive suggestions such as:  Relax, Forgiveness, Balance, Patience, Gratitude, Surrender, Hope, Awareness, Acceptance, Trust etc.etc.

I have a God box as well.  When I am deeply troubled about something or someone, I sit down and start writing everything that comes to mind and when I finish I put it into my God box. I find that most of the time the problem solves itself without my help. 

I also remember the Triangle of Recovery.  I ask my-self, who or what is on top of my Recovery Triangle? If I don’t have God on top and my core Al-Anon tools, I grab my Hope for Today book (and read the September 11 reading).


The trick is to keep the focus on my-self and to keep busy.  I can either get busy with my hobbies or try to do service in Al-Anon.

It’s been my experience that the more meetings I attend, the more I get involved in my daily readings, the more I worked on my steps, the more I meditated, the more I shared, the more I spoke in meetings, the more serene and peaceful I got.



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