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Time Framed Boundaries

Based on my experiences, from what I have heard in meetings and from the daily readers I did the following:  It was very important to me to put a time frame on my boundaries with my daughter when she came home after her graduation from college.

She graduated from U.C. San Diego in Spring 1995.  She chose to stay in San Diego for the summer and partied. 
When my daughter came home to my house in September of 1995, I guess she had run out of money.  I was ready for her. I had a plan and I had a talk with her. “Okay Honey, you are welcome to stay in my house, room and board included.  These are the rules of the house:

1.  By December 31, 1995 you will have to be out.  That means you need to find your-self a job and a place to live.  How you go about it, is not my business.  It is my job as your mother to set you free to live and experience your own life now.
2.  I do not allow your boy friend to spend the night in my home.
3.  If you stay out later than 11 pm you will have to give me a call and let me know your plan; so I can sleep peacefully and not worry.
4.  If you are not coming home for dinner I need you to give me notice.
5.  I will not permit any drugs or alcohol in this house.  It’s your life and I can no longer tell you what to do, but don’t let me catch you drinking alcohol or doing drugs under my roof.”

I don’t believe I nagged her on how she spent her time.  She knew I meant business.  I am consistent with my word and made it crystal clear that she needs to abide by my rules.  After all I had a life of my own.  I was 47 at that time and ready to date again.

By the end of November she had found a good job over in the East Bay and by the end of December she had also found a place in Concord.

I was firm, I treated her nicely and kindly, and it worked.  She has been on her own ever since.  Although, I do not agree with her lifestyle now, it is NOT MY BUSINESS.  Only in this way can I stay calm, peaceful and serene.





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